Consider the Lilies..: What NOT to say to an oilfield wife.   

Feb 19, 2015

What NOT to say to an oilfield wife.

1. "My husband travels for work so I know just how you feel."
-um no, you don't. If your husband travels for work, it's a pretty safe bet that he doesn't leave the country and he's back on weekends. He can probably adjust his schedule to be home on important dates like your anniversary or Christmas and I'm pretty sure he can be home within a few hours if there is an emergency like a death in the family, or a tornado hits your house or you find yourself in the hospital. 
My husband comes home in 5 weeks when his hitch is up. Period. 

2. "I could never be away from my husband for as long and you are away from yours."
-How am I supposed to take that?   You probably mean it as a compliment; I'm guessing. But do you know what I hear when you say it?  This is what I hear: "I could never be away from my husband because I love him, so you must not love your husband very much to be able to be away from him for so long."  You may not mean it like that, but that's how I hear it. If you can't articulate exactly what you mean by it, please don't say it. 

2. "Isn't it dangerous?  Don't you worry about him?"
- Yeah it's dangerous. He travels to dangerous places and does a dangerous job. It's what he does. He's good at it, he loves what he does, and it pays the bills. And yeah, I worry.  Of course I worry. I spend the entire hitch trying not to think about it, thanks for bringing it up.  Again. 

3. "Will he be home for Christmas/birthdays/anniversaries/weddings?"
-If any of those days falls on his days off, then yes he will be home. If not, he won't. Yes it's a bummer. 

4. "What do you do when he's away for so long?"
The same things I do when he's home, except I'm doing it alone and now I'm also taking out the trash, mowing the lawn (or shoveling snow) pumping my own gas, and fixing whatever breaks.

5. "Do you miss him?"
-This one is the one that really gets me.  For real, what kind of question is that?  Why would you even ask me that?  Yes I miss him. Every moment I'm awake. From the moment he leaves until the moment he returns. He's my husband. The father of my child. The love of my life.  I miss him. I always miss him. It doesn't get easier and I don't get used to it. 
Don't ever ask an oilfield wife if she misses her husband. She will probably smile and say something like "I do, but it is what it is" while in her head she's punched you in the neck about 11 times.  

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