Consider the Lilies..: The right team..   

Aug 20, 2012

The right team..

My husband has had a tough year..  He is a very strong man, both physically and emotionally and I know any other man would have collapsed under the strain a long time ago..  

Right now he is going through the worst of it..  I have never seen him suffer the way he is now and it's breaking my heart knowing that other than praying, there is nothing else I can do..

A friend came by this evening to pick up a DVD..  He asked me how I was, and I said "I'm good" like I usually do..  Then I did something completely out of character for me..  I opened up a little..

I know that most of you don't know me, but that is something I don't normally do..  I'm not an emotional person..  It is not very often that I show vulnerability to others and the few times I have, I regretted it almost instantly..  
You see, I do not take comfort in being comforted..  I don't like to be hugged, or coddled..  I despise the constant "is there anything I can do?" questions, I hate the empathetic and the sympathetic looks from others, and it annoys me that when I say "I want to be left alone" they don't think I'm serious..  I think it's because when someone else is hurting, they really do need to be comforted so it's only natural to think that I would too..  But usually I don't..  More often than not I end up getting angry and lashing out at the person who so desperately wants to comfort me..  Isn't that strange?
So usually I just say "I'm good" so they will leave me alone..

Today I feel helpless, I'm scared, and I just don't know what to do.  
I told him that even though these last two and a half years that we have been Christians have been the most amazing two years of our lives, they have also been the worst years of our lives..
He nodded and said "well, you play for a different team now".

I have been sitting here thinking about that for a couple hours and I realized that he is absolutely right..  All the years that we were satanists were pretty easy ones..  We didn't really struggle, we didn't have many concerns and the few we did have never lasted long or had any real effect on us..  As the saying goes (at least among satanists) "its better to be at the right hand of the devil than in his path"..

You see, the enemy doesn't pay much attention to you when he has you..  But when he realizes that he has lost you?  That's when things get really bad..  I think that is how so many new Christians lose their way..  Things get rough and they begin to question their faith..  "If God really loves me, why is he allowing me to hurt so much?". 
But how do you say "the Bible never said that your life as a follower of Christ was going to be an easy one" to someone who is hurting?  They aren't exactly comforting words!

But Jesus said "take up your cross and follow me"..  The path IS a narrow one, and some will stumble along the way..  But the rewards are great..  So great that you can't even imagine!  If you just give God a chance you will see that its when you are hurting, when you are suffering, that He is closest to you..  He won't always keep you from stumbling, but He WILL give you the strength to stand up, shoulder your cross and keep going..  There is no way I could do this on my own, and at least for me there is no way I'm going back..

This is what builds our faith..  This is what strengthens our trust in Him..  This is what being planted in good soil means..  It is times like these that God really shows us how much He loves us..

Take it from me, someone who has played for both teams..  Take the hits as they come, even the really hard ones..  When you play for the right team, touchdowns are inevitable..

8 comments:

  1. Yes and Amen! As a close friend of yours I really like and enjoy your personality. lol But you know what? In those areas that you are hard core, God will mold your heart. He will take the stony places and mold them into clay.

    Trust me on this. I was a "me against the world" kind of person. And although I still have those moments where I sink into that mentality, for the most part, God has really helped me learn to love people.

    And remember... for you and your husband, God is just mixing your pound cake honey!

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  2. Ahhhhhhhh! I am cracking up! Yes loved at distance. I can relate to that a lil bit.

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  3. Darn Blogger at my previous blog post!!

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  4. I'm cool with the loving others thing.. What I don't get is the "I'm gonna love you how I THINK you should to be loved instead of how YOU need to be loved"

    Some of us just need to be loved at a distance..

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  5. Loved your blog and your honesty...Thanks for stopping by mine.

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  6. Once again I must say: Wow. In the hard moments of your lives (you & your husband) I pray for you, as a brother in Christ. Even though you don't seem to like people being concerned. I do feel anguish and compassion in my heart for the hard season in your lives. Also, It is God who made me find your blog cause I was looking for Christians on the net to connect with and I don't think I could have found better.I'm grateful and week after week I feel blessed by what you have to say.

    2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
    3 knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
    4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
    5 ¶ If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
    6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering: for he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
    (James 1:2-6)

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  7. I promise not to ask you if I can do anything, but I'll definitely be cheering for your touchdowns. ;) I'm praying that one is right around the corner.

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  8. Thanks Jen!
    @Handsome-Brown.. I absolutely do not mind concern and I really appreciate yours for me..

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Love your comments! Thanks so much!